It’s 6.30am on a Sunday and I sit in bed in my unicorn onesie; with my new teddy bear Sapphire Pride, trying to step aside for the words to flow. To be able to articulate in something lasting why it’s not just freedom as an aim that’s important, but the ache of knowing that in order to fully enjoy freedom; we must understand what it truly means to be free. I find verbally processing more accessible and technology scares me; but I like the nudge of a challenge.
What drives me is the dichotomy of being interconnected and yet disparate; holding space for how the meta level affects the personal and vice versa. But how often does everyone use the words choice, consent and capacity – but do we really know what they mean? To me, capacity utilises a cognitive marker and often misses emotional stressors. Choice requires synergy of cognitive and emotional processing whereas consent fundamentally requires clarity of where I begin and end especially emotionally and confidence in that to freely engage in something rather than under some unconscious imperative.
I have been weaving rainbows for the past eight years, a flickering sparkle in being able to distinguish and process trauma; but also encouraging solace and soulidarity in amongst my community at large in order to find those more in resonance with myself. And my hope is that we truly begin to hold space for each other and for ourselves. So people are not so afraid of themselves that they make light of their wounding or that people are no longer traumatised in the face of someone hurting and that we can channel safety in the storm of pain. That self care and emotional literacy are bedrocks of our alternative community lifestyle. Personal responsibility is our hymn sheet, but also revelling in the privilege of being adults, making empowered choices.
So what has all of the above got to do with sexual freedom? It’s not about liberation or even being more aware. It’s about listening. To the aching heart beat of the human race who longs to be in connection, intimate and trusting; and yet has never learnt how to be enough in their own on their own. The privilege of being able to recognise and learn to meet our own needs to the best of our ability is a fundamental step in this freedom which then leads to the consciousness of being in tune with other people; increasingly important in the face of a divisive agenda where we are bombarded with reasons to hate and not love; destroy and not care – even neglecting ourselves to curry favour.
My hope for the future is that people head deeper into that space of self care, rest and resilience. Not assuming people know how to do these fundamental skills or that all alternative sexuality is couple centric. We are in relationship with one; ourselves – before we even think about being more than two. That the beautiful, potent creative force that is our sexuality is given space to flow, weave, create and spread rainbow sparkles in all of its diverse glory.
And I want to be part of that. Of Woodhull; to grow more confident, determined and efficient in my choices about how I operate in this world, who I let into my body and how I see myself from within and without. Holding space for the embodied consent to life, joy and pleasure even in the grief, sadness and rage that reminds us we are human.
For it is in being alone in that; do we remember we are all together.